clever student

New company rules

Dear All,Please be advised that the following are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our company.:

ATTIRE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to yoursalary.If we see you wearing Prada trainers and carrying a Gucci bag, weassume you are going well financially and therefore you do not needa raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your moneybetter, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dressin-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

HOLIDAYS:Each employee will receive 104 days holiday a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more sothat they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink aSlim Fast.

SICK DAYS:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. TOILET USE:Too much time is being spent in the toilets so there is now a strict 3-minute limit in the stalls. When this time is up, an alarm willsound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picturewill be posted on the company bulletin board under the "ChronicOffenders" category.
Best regardsHuman Resources Department

Bananas...

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator! !!This is interesting.After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.
Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit.
It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.Hangovers: One of the quickestways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine, 'eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDSPS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time!
I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth.Amazing fruit

Definitions you won't find in the dictionary

Definitions you won't find in the dictionary
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Howwazzat?

U R the one who is CHARMING

U R the one who is INTELLIGENT

U R the one who is CUTE

And

I am the One who is spreading these RUMOURS

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

I saw U on the road that day

U Were Looking so fine

Ur Face So Divine

Ur Walk So Perfect

My Heart Started to Sing a Sweet Song??????.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

A - U r Attractive

B - U r the Best

C - U r Cute

D - U r Dear 2 Me

E - U r Excellent

F - U r Funny

G - U r Good-Looking

H - hehehe

I - I'm

J - JOKING

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -



Another MOON ? Possible

Another SUN ? Possible

Another SKY ? Possible

Another Frnd Like U ? Impossible

'coz GOD can't make the same MISTAKE twice

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --



Roses are RED

Violets are BLUE

Monkeys Like U

Should be kept in the ZOO

Dun Worry, u'll find me there TOO

Not in the Cage, but LAUGHING AT U

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

U r the ACCENT of my Life, ALTO of my Dreams, IKON of my Eyes, ZEN of my

Thoughts, INDICA of my Joy, LANCER of my Heart.

Can anyone clear this TRAFFIC JAM plzz

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Those Saprkling Eyes

Those Marvelous Lips

A 100 Watt Smile

The Majestic Walk

The Cheerful Talk

Truly Charming Personality

Guess, That's Enough abt ME

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

so Sweet is ur SMILE???

so Sweet is ur STYLE???

so Sweet is ur VOICE???

so Sweet is ur EYE?????

see how Sweetly I LIE

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Look at the Ocean, see GOD's Abundance !

Look at the Sky, see GOD's Wonder !

Look at the Moon, see GOD's Glory !

Look at the Mirror, see GOD's BLUNDER !!

Section 49-O of the Constitution...IMPORTANT

Section 49-O of the Constitution:

Did you know that there is a system in our
constitution, as per the
1969 act, in section "49-O" that a person can go
to the polling booth,
confirm his identity, get his finger marked and
convey the presiding
election officer that he doesn't want to vote
anyone!

Yes such a feature is available, but obviously
these seemingly
notorious leaders have never disclosed it. This
is called "49-O".

Why should you go and say "I VOTE NOBODY"...
because, in a ward, if a
candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that
particular ward has received
"49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling
will be cancelled and
will have to be re-polled. Not only that, but
the candidature of the
contestants will be removed and they cannot
contest the re-polling,
since
people had already expressed their decision on
them. This would bring
fear into parties and hence look for genuine
candidates for their
parties
for election. This would change the way, of our
whole political
system... it is seemingly surprising why the
election commission has
not
revealed such a feature to the public....

Please spread this news to as many as you
know... Seems to be a
wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in
India... show your
power,expressing your desire not to vote for
anybody, is even more
powerful than
voting... so don't miss your chance. So either
vote, or vote not to
vote
(vote 49-O) and pass this info on...

"Please forward this mail to as many as
possible, so that we, the
people of India, can really use this power to
save our nation". Use
your
voting right for a better INDIA.

Man Behind "Ctrl+Alt+Delete"