An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner.
"If you could cook," said the husband, "we could fire the chef."
"If you could screw," replied the wife, "we could fire the driver."
Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.''
The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''
A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout,
"Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians! "
All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
Moms and Their Snooping
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"
"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"
"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"