Thursday, December 13, 2007

New company rules

Dear All,Please be advised that the following are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our company.:

ATTIRE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to yoursalary.If we see you wearing Prada trainers and carrying a Gucci bag, weassume you are going well financially and therefore you do not needa raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your moneybetter, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dressin-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

HOLIDAYS:Each employee will receive 104 days holiday a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more sothat they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink aSlim Fast.

SICK DAYS:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. TOILET USE:Too much time is being spent in the toilets so there is now a strict 3-minute limit in the stalls. When this time is up, an alarm willsound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picturewill be posted on the company bulletin board under the "ChronicOffenders" category.
Best regardsHuman Resources Department

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